How to Love Yourself and Build a Stable Sense of Self-Confidence for Long-Term Success

Confidence is something we all want, but sometimes it feels hard to get. Whether it’s getting started with a new goal or sticking to one, confidence often seems out of reach. But the truth is, confidence is built through trust. Trust in others, and most importantly, trust in yourself. There are two main steps to building confidence: liking yourself and keeping promises to yourself. Let’s dive into both of these.

1. Do You Even Like Yourself?

Before we can build trust in ourselves, we have to start by liking ourselves. Think about the people you trust the most. You probably like them, right? The same goes for you. If you don’t like yourself, it’s hard to trust yourself, and without trust, there’s no confidence.

So, how do you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself?

When there’s no one around, do you lift yourself up or bring yourself down? This is a big part of the problem many of us face. If you don’t like yourself, you may find it hard to believe that you’re capable of achieving your goals, or even to get started in the first place. The thoughts you have when you’re alone shape how you feel about yourself. And if those thoughts are negative, it can feel like an uphill battle to make progress.

Here’s how to start liking yourself more:

• Be kind to yourself: We are often our own harshest critics. Stop beating yourself up over mistakes or things you haven’t done yet. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend.

• Celebrate small wins: Instead of focusing on what you haven't done, celebrate what you have done. Got out of bed early? Took a short walk? Made a healthy meal? That’s progress, and you deserve to recognize it.

• Change your self-talk: Pay attention to how you speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Tell yourself you are enough, just as you are, and you have the power to make changes.

Liking yourself is the first step to building confidence. Once you like yourself, trusting yourself becomes much easier.

2. Keeping Promises to Build Trust

Now, let's talk about building trust in yourself. Trust is the foundation of confidence, and it’s built through action. Just like how you get to know someone, start liking them, and then trust them, you have to do the same thing with yourself. The problem is, breaking promises to ourselves is a lot easier than breaking promises to others—like saying we’ll work out, eat better, or start a new habit—and then we don’t follow through. When this happens, we lose trust in ourselves.

Think about it: If a friend kept saying they’d meet you for lunch and kept bailing at the last minute, you would stop trusting them, right? The same thing happens when you make promises to yourself but don’t keep them. Over time, you start to lose trust in your own ability to follow through.

How to start keeping promises to yourself:

• Start small: Don’t promise yourself huge goals right away. Make small promises that are easy to keep. For example, tell yourself you’ll work out 1 time a week or drink a glass of water after brushing your teeth. These are small wins, but they add up into improved confidence that snowballs into achieving bigger goals.

• Track your progress: Keep a simple journal or checklist where you mark off each day you keep your promise. Seeing your progress will reinforce your trust in yourself and boost your confidence.

• Make it easy to succeed: Don’t set yourself up for failure. If you want to go to the gym but are too busy, start by doing a quick home workout or stretching. The key is to do something, no matter how small, to prove to yourself that you can follow through.

• Be patient: Confidence doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built over time, so don’t expect immediate results. Just focus on keeping small promises each day, and soon you’ll have a track record of success.

Putting It All Together

Confidence doesn’t come from a magic mindset or a single big win—it comes from liking yourself and keeping promises to yourself, day after day. Start by being kind to yourself, treating yourself with respect, and celebrating your progress. Then, build trust in yourself by making small, achievable promises and keeping them. Over time, your confidence will grow, and you’ll start to believe that you can do anything you set your mind to.